Yes. I confess I’m bloody oblivious of my surroundings. In fact, sometimes I pretend and choose to be unaware. Why not? The answer is simple, it makes my life easier. How brilliant things will be, if every morning I turn over to the newspaper and discover “A New Incredible Gift of Medicine has been formulated to treat AIDS and CANCER Patients. This ray of hope has brought lights into billions of AIDS and Cancer victims” instead of “Global Warming is Alarming. Mount Kilimanjaro has lost 75% of its ice cap since 1912. The ice on Africa’s tallest peak could vanish entirely within 15 years.”
I try not to comprehend what is stated in the news. What? Kilimanjaro? Some insects’ or mosquitoes’ name? (I don’t mind these two disgusting species evaporate from Earth, hate them!). The phenomenon is always contradictory.
More often than not, I’m seized with a feeling of great impotence and vulnerability. Aimless.
At the same time, it works like wonders, transforming one to another new dimension of hope and salvation. It pervades me with promises to change for a better.
I managed to have small chat with JiaLoong, my cousin earlier. I’m happy for him as he found his ‘other half’, a pretty one. The funny thing is that my aunt Jessie (JiaLoong’s mum) is always comparing her children with us. Yes, you’re right. I have nothing special besides scoring a couple of As’ in my exam. Heck, what’s there to compare? Who has the longer penis? (Mind you. I’m penisless). We are just two different people with different sense of directions and goals. Hell, we are unique. I clearly can’t have my cousin’s beautiful pair of eyes or her dancing talent.
I’ve always wanted to live a carefree life. Damn, no string attached. Awesome. But as we grow, our accountability and responsibility multiply. Holding more of these don’t outshine another.
It was a pleasant timeout with Kai Ling last Saturday. As she was telling me about this friend of hers in class, it fathomed me. There are some people’s approach in life are totally different. Our sense of conviction and mentality are diverse. There is no way one can weigh a person’s decision up according to our own personal need.
Basically, there are 3 ideas of success:
(It’s a humble outlook of a 18 year old)
#1 Having lots of money, a fulfilling career and being powerful
#2 Finding spiritual happiness and being at peace with God and with yourself
#3 Relationships – being surrounded by people who love you and care about you, spending time with family and friends
Which category are you yearning for?
At the moment, the my order of needs goes like this:
P/S : I’m a worrier. How not to be one? It constantly freaks me out. Dear God, please be with me.