Imperfection

How often we are able to control our temper?

Is it even possible that you never raise your voice when you are in anger?

Harsh words thrown, nasty remarks made, mean statements uttered when your angry. You might even have forgotten what you have had just said.

Most of the time, when rage and fury conquer our conscience, we are blinded as our evilness reigns. Shortly, we realize what we’ve said couldn’t be retracted and the feelings of guilt take over.

It happens to everyone. Friends. Couples. Siblings. PARENTS. Bosses. Colleagues. It applies to any relationships as long as we’re in contact with people and when feelings are involved namely.

It’s hard. People can be irritated easily. We couldn’t be seeing things the way we always wanted it to be. Different people have different approaches in certain things.

Once the fire is lit, we would start to pinpoint the faults and flaws that happened back in those days, like digging those rotten and buried dung and throw it right at your face.

Later, when you find out, it’s YOU who cause it all and it’s time to patch things up, you’re tongue tied. Generally, gentlemen who have strong chauvinism would not make the first move; it is as if a whole chunk of their so called dignity is carved out once they apologized.

I’M SORRY.

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT.

PLEASE DON’T BE MAD AT ME.

It’s so hard?

Learn our mistakes and move on.

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Week Three

Uncle Tobys’ cereals is delicious

Soy Rich no added sugar is tasteless

Mak cik’s cantonese Yee Mee is not as good as Pak Cik’s

Cycling around the neighborhood is a sheer bliss

Dalmation is an evil dog, he freaked me out

Wearing contact lens is carefree

Watching southpark is enjoyable

Home is always the best

I do

I discovered something quite interesting today, okay, I admit that I’m ignorant since I’m a Malaysian but still better late than never right?

I’m told that it is not necessary for non-Muslims to convert to Muslim if we were to marry a Muslim. How great! One of my Muslim friends’ boyfriend is actually a Chinese. How sweet right? Or shall I say how rare? People are typically biased towards mix-marriage. It has always been seen that people of your own skin color should or MUST walk down the aisle with those matching yours. It is so predictable. Oh Aunty Khor’s daughter is marrying Sei Luk Kau… Uncle Tam’s son is tying the knot with Ham Kah Ling…

Wouldn’t it be like a boom, let say Sebastian Maximus a/l Benjamin Muthusamy (the a/l thingy spoils the gempak name ler… just to indicate he’s an Indian lah) marrying Natalie Samantha Lee?

Life is more colorful with more variation and your future creation too.

However, most couples call the relationship a halt when they are unable to bear or go through with all the commotion from their family disproval and objection like those in classic Hindi and Tamil movies.

Some people are just too tired to endure with all these. Fighting in the name of LOVE!! Sounds dignified but how many people would actually work it out in reality. Forget about those in movies.

Only minority which I really admire.

Does it really matter what color that person who you’re going to pronounce ‘I do’ to be different from you?

Why parents and society like to make fuss about the religion or whatsoever customs or tradition him or her practices?

Yes, you’re going to marry to the entire family and not your husband alone.

Therefore, think carefully.

What I’m aware is that…

We should always keep our options wide in dealing with our everyday’s life, be in choosing our career, education, food, clothes, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends or even husbands and wives?

We are given choices…

Margarita

I have a lot in mind but…

Okay, to begin with, I bloody sprained my ankle again, same ankle. Damn, I guess my body mass is just too great, couldn’t even balance myself while going down the stairs, like a humpty dumpty. Crap, thank God I’m not on crutches this time.

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On Thursday night, I came to a wrong decision on informing my parents that I’m going out to a musical event. Well, at first I thought that my parents should be aware of my whereabouts and telling them was just being honest. Alright, it was a last minute arrangement and planning; I wasn’t asking for permission but notifying them instead. Unlike the previous outings, I would let them know in advance. Sometimes, telling a white lie is indeed a better option.

While I was enjoying myself and drown into the music, deep inside me, I knew that my parents were worrying.

There are no exceptional, all parents behave the same way. Their children are forever children in their mind.

I was at Laundrybar with another six friends, alright two new friends. Heck, it was for Furniture I went there. One of my favorite local bands thanks to Kohilan. There were three bands altogether, Lied, Citizen of Ice cream (a pretty catchy name), and Furniture. Knowing the fact that it was held in a bar agitated them more. Gosh, if everything goes well, I’ll be off to Germany next year, are they going to flap around all the time? Maybe, it’s merely me, because of the things that I’ve done couldn’t assure them.

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To me, liquor, beer, vodka, wine is a beverage. People drink to go with different occasions for instance, celebrations, weddings, and anniversaries. With or without them don’t cause any significant difference, if it’s available, why not? If I would to fork out money for that, I guess that isn’t my cup of tea.

With family, especially my grandpa, a pint of beer or a glass of wine or anything which contains alcohol at night according to him would put him into deep sleep. It acts as if to enhance blood circulation.

As for me, I still do not know how to appreciate all these beverages. It’s bitter. As for wine, i rather drink Ribena.

However, I would like to give cocktail a shot.

Gin and vodka are by far my favorite. Those which I think have a strong aroma, something akin to perfume.

Now my doubt is, it is necessary to consume alcohol when I’m away from my family?

Of course, it is safe?

I would pretty like to conclude it with what kind of outings and people I’m with.

Clubbing scene is totally out of the picture. Therefore, getting tipsy is definitely not a priority.

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A : Drink-lah. You scared ah? You left your two balls at home ah? (The oh-so-common phrase people used to provoke your guts)

B : Aiya, you never drink before, must try. (Why? once tried, would fly is it?)

C : I always drink one. I biasa d. (So? I biasa eat shit, you wanna eat too?)

In this case, there’s no point of taking A, B or C into account. If your choice is no, it’s NO. Is it so important to prove to this bunch of pathetic A, B or C whether or not you hide your balls? If they are your good friends, utterly tragedy, they are the ones who are supposed to respect your decisions and not butting in with these sorts of statements.

I’m conventional though I’m only 18. I like cozy environment with a pleasant ambience and setting, a warm and preferably smoke-free area without blaring loud and heart thumping techno where you have to shout your head off to have a normal conversation. Just sit back and enjoy a drink and chill out. That would be an awesome combination.

As I was tempted to drink to appear gaya-ness among the crowd, I managed to resist the persuasion. It was so not crucial. Whether or not I drink esprit instead of beer is completely my pick. We still can cheer and talk. In fact, I’m not prone to beery breath.

I can ONLY sense and put up with the sexiness of my grandpa’s, dad’s and uncles’ beery breath.

Oh yeah… I’m so into frequency canon’s guitarist or bassist. Uber gaya!

Wish I could play drums all over again.

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Shout Outs:

Dearest,

A younger-than-me-two-days-macho-who-owns-a-blog-named-Averdim

You surprised me!!! Seeing my name popped up on my screen in your blog, errrr… amazed!

69 for Brian

77 for me

79 for you

84 for Hau Wei

More days left for us before turning to 19, age is just a matter of figure; we are young at hearts and minds.

Lionard,

Thanks for your effort on you-know-what-i-mean!!!

Seohun,

CUTE? Alright, I know a bit retard!! I will try to polish it!!
I watched the first half, Liverpool won!!! One more reason to celebrate!!!!

Best Wishes to all of you!!!!

I’ll keep you people in my prayers!!!

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer Flings

I’m pretty much saturated nowadays, loaded with tonnes of homework and my poor mind is working like a machine. Everyone is dealing and coping with it. Again, I’m no one to complain. What’s life without challenges and trials?

Sometimes, I couldn’t help but ponder what lays ahead me without all these routine. What can I do? Studying is an easy task, but coping with the stress and worrying about performance and the results of an exam or test is torturing. I seriously hate it. Learning is totally a different matter, which the process is pretty much enjoyable, I doubt anyone would admit that he or she has learned enough, we somehow thirst and yearn for more knowledge and it’s like a never ending journey, but learning to sit for an exam is utterly despicable.

Is there any other way to test our understanding in a subject other than written exam?

I must say that Chinese are the most stupid people on Earth. They are the idiots who came up with public exam long long ago…

Without Chinese, there would be no exam. Ohhh, I bloody overlook, I’m Chinese.

Chinese are a bunch of KIASU people and that includes me, Ohhh damn, Why?

Chinese are just greedy, stingy, selfish, and meticulous and….. There are so much more, mind you generally.

It’s in our blood or what? Genes, bad genes…

Blame our forefathers.

Ohhh wait… Chinese are hard workers.

I’m soooooo not proud being a Chinese.

But, I’m darn proud of my parents’ creation.

I’m proud to be these two beautiful souls’ daughter.

Given a choice, I’m insisting to be a Chinese because of my parents.

They are the best I could ever get. I’m blessed to be their daughter.

I MISS HOME!!!!

Phase

Phew…

It was a hectic week. The feeling back home is super-duper-fantabulous-awesome. The moment I stepped onto the doorstep, the warm and welcoming scent of home-sweet-home steering me in, by far better than “Air Wick White Peach Aroma Therapy” or whatsoever, purely irreplaceable.

Classes recommence after our two weeks break, namely holidays. Maybe due to that, my home-sickness is more apparent this time.

As AUSMAT started, we met our new bunch lecturers and friends. We had our pretty small ice breaking session of our own as we cleverly dodged the orientation. I guess that’s what most new students would do to escape and get away with the so-called interesting games and remarkable social activities. Maybe I’m just too passive here; I just think that youngsters are more into speaking up and getting to know each other personally rather than playing lame games.

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Yeah, I think people always look forward to everything in life.

We tend to visualize our future driving a sleek Porsche and owning a lustrous 7-8-9-10-11 Series of BMW or living in a multi-storey bungalow or travelling around the globe or…… and list goes on and on. It’s never ending. We want our parents to experience all the luxurious cruise ships and posh hotels.

We secretly place all those listed above as our target and goal in life. Everyone wants to lead a comfortable and easy life. We want the best in life in general.

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Some work like a dog and never reach the top. Some stumble and fall and never bounce back. Some take a shortcut, break the law and wind up in cuts and bruises. Some start off with great enthusiasm and quit halfway.

Some are just too lazy to try. Some are just too gutless to give it a go. Some are afraid of losing even before striving.

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When I was in kindergarten, I always think that primary students are much cleverer and bigger than me. Then, when I was a primary student, I envy those secondary students because they seem to have a larger than life brain. I couldn’t wait to put on my new uniform on the first day of school. I was eager to learn and gain more knowledge. When I was studying in Form One, my Form Three friends said that Form One is nothing. Later, finally I was doing my PMR, my Form Five friends again said that Form Three is nothing compared to Form Five. I always feel that I’m behind time, as if I never grow. No matter how hard I try to catch the train, somehow, I’m always left behind. Ultimately, I’m in college now, but my friends are in Uni. Of course now the question that pops up is how University life would be?

It’s not the paper chase I’m referring. It’s life generally. It’s the rule that we always have to play along. We look ahead to what’s installed in the future.

Well again….

That’s life. I’m getting senseless nowadays. Can’t help.

Onion

Mission accomplished!!!

I’ve read two books written by Cecilia Ahern in these two weeks, it was really worthwhile.

Based on rate I was reading If You Could See Me Now, within three days, this proved that Where Rainbows End is by far a better and more interesting book.

I found something appealing. Her books are available in German too.

P/S I Love You : P/S Ich Liebe Dich (P/S I love You)

Where Rainbows End : Fuer Immer Vielleicht (Perhaps, Forever)

If You Could See Me Now : Zwischen Himmel und Liebe (Between Sky and Love)

It’s been exactly one month, I didn’t converse in German. As a matter of fact, I missed them. Since Herr Sittner is gone, I’m quite reluctant to communicate in German. It’s bloody hard to convey my thoughts because I have to think, think real hard, it’s like stopping me to say something real fast, bloody time consuming. And the conversation won’t flow that well. At times, I enjoy it because I tend to think more before I speak.

I guess I will have no time for another novel for the next 11 months.

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Exactly 1 year left, my longest break ending in two days time. I do not want to put any high expectations upon myself. I can’t handle it. German alone is enough to drive me ku-ku.

I do not want to start my new year telling myself to be a better student, to study harder, score higher marks, competing for a damned paper or figure. Bloody abstract. Yes, I know, all these are just an approach to improve or substantiate our ability. Scholars are meant to work freaking extra hard because our education is paid. We’re responsible and accountable not only for our own future, but the Rakyat’s future, because we’re using Rakyat’s money. All these have been drilled into our minds and hearts. Our guiltiness is beyond redemption when we’re unable to perform in an examination. The pressure and burden is so immense, that we strive for perfection. Mind you, I’m not moaning, I learn to accept everything I’ve been destined. Daddy God has a plan for me; He knows what’s best and what’s my purpose and existence.

Instead, I want to spend more time with my family, quality time. I need to grow up and be more mature. I couldn’t afford to give my parents sleepless night worrying about my well-being. There are a lot more for me to experience and stumble on. I need time to grow.

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The trip back to Ipoh taught me heaps. From realizing how an awful daughter and how a rotten sister I am to getting lectured by my granny and aunties for my misbehavior. Tears were shed, joy and laughter were shared, and secrets were revealed, a memorable one indeed.

Aunt Andrea shared her opinions on marriage. Men are not trustworthy; the tendency of them in marital or sexual infidelity is too high. Basically, anti-marriage.

Cut cakes and made New Year wishes.

Played “Jim-rum-mi”, something like Mahjong, akin to two decks of poker cards.

Barney, a golden retriever never startled me for the first time. We even played ball fetching. Damned, every time he does that, he reminded me of the T.rex skeletons in “A night at the Museum”.

Yin Leng left for National Service.

Jia Loong divulged about his first kiss with Juliana.

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Family is so important. My granny once told that humans categorize people around us like an onion. We are like the core in an onion and we classify our family and friends into the layers enveloping the onion. The layer closest to the core will be our dearest ones, our family. They are the ones we protect and turn to at times of trials and tribulations. They are the ones who would never abandon and desert us. As the layers go further, we include people less significance to us. Many people might argue that, people we often see are those who care about us most and they should be in our priority. I find it contrary sometimes; I would say that people who care and want to know about our well being are those who really care about us. A simple nudge or “Hi” or “How are you”, or “Exam SUCKS” from instant messaging is enough to show that that person cares for you. We do not need to see each other to show that we care. Of course, some might reason they are doing this out of boredom. For me, they are the circle of genuine friends whom I believe I treasure most. That’s the power in this cyber world where everything goes in a click.

However, time and again, we are too carried away grouping our layers of family and friends; we lose the sanity of how being one’s family and friends. More often than not, we forgot that as we judge our family or friends, the same mechanism is done to us. We want to be loved and care but have qualms to show our love and care to other people.

That’s life I guess.

Till then…

Good Night!!!

P/S : Classes resume on Monday. Our holidays are coming to an end.
Thank you everyone who made it an unforgettable one.

Key

It happened again.

The third time.

I bloody locked myself outside my room while I was taking shower. Brilliant. Clothes were inside my room, roommate was having class, just me and my towel this time. Soaking wet, I was in a daze. Heck, what am I suppose to do?

Walking around with my towel along the corridor was embarrassing enough, what more knocking on the door frantically calling for help. Thank God, I didn’t have to use the lift. Thank God, I have Fizzie and JiaHui, my savior though they were in hysterics when they saw me.

For the first encounter, I was lucky as my roommate returned home in 10-minute time and I was dressed. Next, again JiaHui was there to rescue me and at least I had something to put on. She helped to call Mr. Lee, our warden, to unlock my door. That was the first time I asked for his help. He was there pretty fast I could say.

Fine, after calling him this time, he said he needed 15 minutes to get there. We waited and waited. No sign. I guess he’s just fed up dealing with stupid tenants like me, imagine how many students staying under the same roof and he has go around unlocking their doors. Alright, tardiness accepted. Waited and still no sign.

More than 15 minutes later…

JiaHui : Do you think he knows you are without your clothes this time?

Me : I’m cold wei, when is he coming?

JiaHui : Patience Michelle….

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Me : Text him and tell him I’m without my clothes this time please…

Less than 1 minute later…

He showed up.

God, when I’m going to learn my lesson? Third time for heaven’s sake.

Perhaps, I need carry the key on a chain and wear it around my neck like what Jiahui had suggested.

Food for Thought

Oh yeah…

Thanks to the earthquake in southern Taiwan, the Internet services are disrupted. I couldn’t feel much of the effects such as bloggers like kinkybluefairy or Lim Kit Siang or whoever because I’m in IPOH now. It feels so good to be home. The homey feeling is unbeatable.

Since New Year is approaching, newspapers have been highlighting the World’s events. Many, as I read through, I can’t help but feel sad and meaningless. I can’t see the whole point of everything, war, terrorism, poverty, disasters, inventions, discoveries and so on. What’s the crux behind the whole thing? Can’t we spell the word P-E-A-C-E? Bloody humans.

Oh yeah…

The crook is death, Saddam Hussien. So, what now? His supporter will place another suicidal boomer in US, Australia, UK? Oh, can’t we learn? What’s the point of learning History?

Sick and tired of hearing all these senseless political issues. Humans are never contented. NEVER. We are a bunch of GREEDY species. No matter how religious and spiritual you may seem. We rationally throw everything that we had learned into waste! We hardly practise what we preach. Talk and talk is what we are best known as.

When we will learn to care more about others and less about us? I’m deeply touched when I watch the Perodua New Year advertisement. It’s 100% true, but what we’re doing now is totally opposite. What we concern about is ourselves, who cares and bothers about OTHER people; sometimes we even abandon our own flesh and blood. That’s how self-centered and selfish our society.

Do something this forthcoming New Year.

Though we can’t help much in financial aspect, we as student can play our role in this society.

Sign a donor card and make your wishes known. Donate your tissue or organ. Some conventional people might give you a big “CHOI-CHOI-TAI-KAH-LAI-SI” or “TOUCH-WOOD TOUCH-WOOD” looks as if you are going to die right after you sign the donor card. Bloody absurd.

Google websites to seek more information on various issues and notify them about your decision instead of goggling which is the best porn websites or friendstering for who’s the best looking chics and hunks. Grow up people. It’s time to act not just sleep.

Sign a petition. Just a click for a change, won’t cause you any loss or harm.

http://www.lightamillioncandles.com

http://www.rdasia.com/donor

Happy New Year.