This is the time

This is the time, I’m bloody prone to pessimism,

This is the time, confusion and hopelessness reigns,

This is the time, fear and anxiety conquer,

This is the time, I break down in tears for no reason,

This is the time, I enjoy staring at the idiot box numbly,

This is the time, I bloody try to sleep more than 12 hours a day,

This is the time, my bloody dark circles and eye bags emerge,

This is the time, my complexion turns pale and ugly, (Oh it is always the same crap!)

This is the time, I forget when the last time I brush my teeth was,

This is the time, I hate showering,

This is the time, I bloody enjoy gorging myself on whatever which is edible,

This is the time, my stomach is bloated from stodgy food.

This is the time, I become constipated,

This is the time to say good bye.

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Fahrenheit

One week break!!!!!!!!!!! That’s super awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s not talk about my exam. It was a disaster. I’m suffering from a phobia about exam. I mean it. The panic-stricken me went blank and my brain just couldn’t function properly. I’m so bloody going to flop, badly.

Let bygones be bygones.

I promise I’ll face it boldly next week. I won’t be in floods of tears anymore, I’ll try. Whatever that won’t kill you, will just make you stronger.

Put that aside. It’s bloody over, and it’s still bloody disturbing. Crap.

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My sis is now officially 21 years old. She has the license and ticket to the adulthood now. She’s another step closer to becoming a wife, a mother and also a better daughter and sister. In other words, she’s in her prime; prime of her life, prime of her youth, prime of her maturity. May she blossom into a gorgeous, gentle and fine soul and be blessed with everlasting joy and happiness.

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We were back in Ipoh a couple of days.

Grannies have aged a lot recently. Their changes have become apparent. Their hearing has deteriorated. Their bodies have grown weaker. Their strengths and movements wear off easily. Many times, I’m afraid watching them asleep. I fear that they will ‘sleep’ in forever.

I want them to watch me graduating, getting married, having their great grandchildren calling them “tai-ye”, “tai-ma”, and “tai-po”. Aging is inevitable. Our body parts start to misbehave; wrinkles and freckles become visible; grey hair crowns; sight fades away; our visits to the doctors become regular; popping in pills has become a routine. It’s hard seeing them aging, you do not want to lose them. You helplessly hope that you could at least share their sufferings and pains. But you watch them powerlessly.

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Both my aunties’ marriages have affected me greatly. It started off like any other lovely and sweet couples but ended up in doom and gloom. The victims are definitely their children. How could the man you loved so much before turns into the person you hate so much? The mounting hatred is like a rocket going to flare in any seconds.

It is even possible that your spouse remain faithful to you?

Isn’t marriage a vow that one should not regret after pronouncing it?

How could one so easily break the vow and betray his or her spouse?

That’s crappy. It’s so hard to trust someone no matter how appealing he or she may seem.

I love the fact that I’m carefree at this moment.

But it tends to lead me to think too much indeed.

Random thoughts. Mix feelings.

Good Night people!!

God Bless!!