Learning to breathe

My emotions are stirring up.

I’m grumpy, cranky, angry, moody and gloomy.

Jonathan underwent an unnecessary operation last Monday. For the past 2 weeks, he has been experiencing excruciating back pain, loss of appetite and severe stomach pain to boot.

He threw up whatever he had eaten.

We all assumed that it was probably due to the side effects of the drugs and excessive painkillers.

After about 10 days of torment, doctors concluded that his intestine actually got “mend” to his previous healing wound.

So yeah, he visited the ICU for the 3rd time in the past 2 months.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally believe in the power of positive thinking.

I’m hopeful but I’m prepared as much as I refuse to.

But without fail, every time when I see him, my sadness channels into him. That’s the last thing that he would want me to do.

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I felt hurt, dejected.

I try to mingle around. I try to put a wide smile on my face. I try to move on. I try to face the day with anticipation. I try.

I felt lost and blank.

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On the other note, I’ve grown.

I’ve grown in faith.

I’ve grown to be stronger.

I’ve grown to see suffering and pain of my dear ones.

I’ve learnt not to take people for granted.

I’ve grown to appreciate life more than ever.

I’ve grown to be patient.

I’ve grown to trust in Him and people around me

I’ve grown to a be a better person in the midst of all these.

Most importantly, I’ve grown

..how to love.

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