3 Months…

without you…

I’m missing you every day, baby!

Oh baby, this is hard. At times, I don’t have a clear set of mind, the moment of clarity and peace.

You were always there; I turned to you when I can’t seem to tell what was right and what was wrong. You weighed all the factors, the out coming advantages or the imminent dangers. You soothed me when I can’t make up my mind, telling me to take my time and eventually calmed me down.

The fact that I’m writing everything in past tense is just unreal.

How I wish I could cherish you more when you were around – Simple things like making more regular trips to Aachen to enjoying your lovely voice when you sang to me. How I wish you could be the first person to see me jumping for joy and to hear me crying in sorrow. How I wish I could turn back time.

I’m longing for your presence, care, thoughtfulness, wisdom and above all your love. Your attention to detail amazed me. I want to give it back to you. Tenfold, hundredfold.

If only, I had the chance..


R : Listen to me. Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best place possible place in the world for it.

E : But I really love him.

R : Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. But the love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dinky mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.

E : But I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over him is because I seriously believed he was my soul mate.

R : He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah, too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over. His purpose was to shake you up, break your heart, open so new light could get in. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept the relationship had a real short shelf live. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby. You’re just licking at an empty can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.

E : But I love him.

R : So love him.

E : But I miss him.

R: So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think of him, and then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of him because you’ll really be alone. But here’s what you gotta understand. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about him, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot, a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in. God will rush in and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using him to block that door. Let it go.

E : But I wish me and him could..

R : See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishing too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.