Dear baby,

I miss you very much! How are you? Do you miss me? How’s heaven like? Is it cool to live on the clouds? Do you get to see northern light every day? Do you wear Jesus-like rope and have halo? I’m worried about you, you know, thinking of you all the time. Though I know that you are now in the best place you could possibly be.

Things are fine on my side, running in and out with the hustle and bustle. At the end of the day, I’ll just ponder and wish that you’ll be here with me, and missing the moments waking up by your side.

Well, there’s this footballer, Germany’s goalkeeper Robert Enke just took own life a couple of days ago. There’s a lot going on the media. His memorial and funeral service, it was just too much for me. It saddens me and at the same time I’m angry with him. People fight for their lives and would trade anything for another day. How I wish you were given a choice to live longer. But, that’s nature. We are in no control of that. You just can’t go against the nature. That’s wrong and sinful. What more leaving his loved ones behind.

I watched MJ’s this is it show yesterday. It was so surreal. Just few months ago, we were talking on the phone over his sudden death and watching his memorial service. And pfoooffs… the next thing, you left me.

People always leave. Famous, rich, poor, good, evil, noble, just that everyone leaves. So tell me baby, how do we value our lives? Or do we always need to put a value into everything and everyone in our lives?

Who and what matters?

It’s hard for me to tell.

I’ve been searching for peace and serenity. I strive for my freedom and hunt for my happiness.

But, you can’t plan or look for happiness. It just happens – simple joys such as humble before Him.

Likewise today, merely 5 months ago, I was complaining to you how painful it was to get rid one of my wisdom teeth. And you pampered me effortlessly. And today I had two of them extracted all at the same time. It was gruesome, the pain and the pressure just yuckkk. You were all I could ever think of.


Your sayang