Aging

I’m not sure how our brain works sometimes.

Like my granny, as she grows older, it’s inevitable that her machine starts to slow down, spare parts become disobedient and her posture and structure becomes weaker.

As her loved ones, you’ll somehow feel helpless because you can’t share her suffering and the torment that she’s going through. This sting is like a pierce on your skin. You can’t explain it.

On the other hand, both my dad and grandpa have a different way to manipulate the sign of aging. Instead of whining and grumbling about their grief and sorrow, they swallow it silently. They do not moan or linger in self pity. They see everything as part of life. I mean what’s the point of allowing your dear ones worrying about your well being when they can’t do anything about it. Of course, they might feel sorry you, but that isn’t exactly the purpose of sharing.

Why bother them with your problems when you know they can’t do anything to better it?

Why bombard them with more anxiety when you know they are unable to help?

Undeniably, family members should stand by one another through good and bad.

However, we are also responsible to ensure our family’s happiness.

Fahrenheit

One week break!!!!!!!!!!! That’s super awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s not talk about my exam. It was a disaster. I’m suffering from a phobia about exam. I mean it. The panic-stricken me went blank and my brain just couldn’t function properly. I’m so bloody going to flop, badly.

Let bygones be bygones.

I promise I’ll face it boldly next week. I won’t be in floods of tears anymore, I’ll try. Whatever that won’t kill you, will just make you stronger.

Put that aside. It’s bloody over, and it’s still bloody disturbing. Crap.

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My sis is now officially 21 years old. She has the license and ticket to the adulthood now. She’s another step closer to becoming a wife, a mother and also a better daughter and sister. In other words, she’s in her prime; prime of her life, prime of her youth, prime of her maturity. May she blossom into a gorgeous, gentle and fine soul and be blessed with everlasting joy and happiness.

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We were back in Ipoh a couple of days.

Grannies have aged a lot recently. Their changes have become apparent. Their hearing has deteriorated. Their bodies have grown weaker. Their strengths and movements wear off easily. Many times, I’m afraid watching them asleep. I fear that they will ‘sleep’ in forever.

I want them to watch me graduating, getting married, having their great grandchildren calling them “tai-ye”, “tai-ma”, and “tai-po”. Aging is inevitable. Our body parts start to misbehave; wrinkles and freckles become visible; grey hair crowns; sight fades away; our visits to the doctors become regular; popping in pills has become a routine. It’s hard seeing them aging, you do not want to lose them. You helplessly hope that you could at least share their sufferings and pains. But you watch them powerlessly.

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Both my aunties’ marriages have affected me greatly. It started off like any other lovely and sweet couples but ended up in doom and gloom. The victims are definitely their children. How could the man you loved so much before turns into the person you hate so much? The mounting hatred is like a rocket going to flare in any seconds.

It is even possible that your spouse remain faithful to you?

Isn’t marriage a vow that one should not regret after pronouncing it?

How could one so easily break the vow and betray his or her spouse?

That’s crappy. It’s so hard to trust someone no matter how appealing he or she may seem.

I love the fact that I’m carefree at this moment.

But it tends to lead me to think too much indeed.

Random thoughts. Mix feelings.

Good Night people!!

God Bless!!

Playing for time

My life at this moment is pretty much like a thermometer. Everything works like mercury; it rises and plunges too quickly without me able to grasp it.

It’s a rollercoaster.

I’m battling against time.

I wish I could stop the ticking clock and sit back to reflect.

I wish I have no regrets over the things I’ve done or undone.

I wish I could welcome the impending disaster with my wide arms open.

I wish I could keep the pace with the changing times.

I know I have to be patient because I’m not alone.

Rome was not built in a day.

It takes time.

86400 seconds a day.

432000 seconds a week.

And what’s left,
172800 seconds a week with my family.

It’s ticking away.

Boar

Hohohohohohoho…

Happy belated Valentines’ Day!!!

Happy jolly merry Chinese New Year!!!!

Welcome to the Year of Boar!!!

Hahaha…

Today is the 8th day of Chinese New Year, (Cho-Pat) which means we’re half way through this festive celebration and when the clock strikes 12 tonight, we can blissfully enjoy the firework display and the thunderous roar of fire crackers. “Pai Tin Kong” is what I’m talking about. Though my family doesn’t celebration this auspicious day, having living in Klang, the land full of Hokkien for so many years, how can we not know this day?

Tin Kong Ye-Ye,

Bless our Klang town overflow with an abundant supply of boar so we could never get enough of Bak Kut Teh!!!

Yeah…

Chinese New Year…

Four cheery days in Ipoh were more than enough to fulfill this family fest, loads of laughter, chatter and not forgetting food and drinks. It is so worth it though I gain a few kilos… a few tonnes…

It would be perfect if Uncle Willy and Family were there too. It has been six freaking long years; they left and never come back.

May our beautiful wishes are granted and blessed with everlasting joy and love!!!

God bless you to bless others!!!

Big day

We were given a topic to write in German.

The title was “My Birthday”

As I was thinking, BIRTHDAY…

A big word, a big importance…???

How I celebrated it normally?

Is it a really special day?

Is Birthday all about birthday cakes, parties, and getting one year older…?

Or Birthday is all about presents?

Is it the more you receive signifies a better person you are?

Or is it the more expensive the presents you are given, the happier you are?

Birthday is a day where we are reminded to gratify our beloved MOTHERS who brought us in to this world.

It is not about us being treated as a prince or princess on this day but to honor and thank our parents of our existence.

It is a celebration to reminisce a bundle of joy was born on this day every year.

Present a bouquet of flowers to our mother on this day instead of expecting to receive a gift.

That’s the true meaning that lies beneath the big word!

BIRTHDAY

Motor

My sister was having a sleepover at my place yesterday. It was late after our night out with…

Ok, I must say, I’m so grateful to these people…

They kept their promise…

Especially Kohilan!!! Thank You…

Wayne, Yee Sheng, Xi Roa, Jason and not forgetting my sister at Laundry.

Both of us were sleeping on a single bed…

After some photo taking session, lights were off, all ready to sleep…

She suddenly started giggling and couldn’t stop.

I was in dazed.

Khhooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………………. Ghooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………..

Khhhhhhhooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………………………………………….

Ghhhhhhooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………………………………………………………

Me : Why are you laughing? Never hear people snore before??

She was still laughing….

She (while laughing) : I thought……. it’s a sound of…….. motor, but it’s …….getting louder and louder!!! (hahahahahah-ing away)

Me : …………………………………………………………………………………….

I couldn’t help this time; I burst out in laughter too…

Maybe I’m inured to the snore already.

She’s my roommate.

She had a culture shock!!

Imperfection

How often we are able to control our temper?

Is it even possible that you never raise your voice when you are in anger?

Harsh words thrown, nasty remarks made, mean statements uttered when your angry. You might even have forgotten what you have had just said.

Most of the time, when rage and fury conquer our conscience, we are blinded as our evilness reigns. Shortly, we realize what we’ve said couldn’t be retracted and the feelings of guilt take over.

It happens to everyone. Friends. Couples. Siblings. PARENTS. Bosses. Colleagues. It applies to any relationships as long as we’re in contact with people and when feelings are involved namely.

It’s hard. People can be irritated easily. We couldn’t be seeing things the way we always wanted it to be. Different people have different approaches in certain things.

Once the fire is lit, we would start to pinpoint the faults and flaws that happened back in those days, like digging those rotten and buried dung and throw it right at your face.

Later, when you find out, it’s YOU who cause it all and it’s time to patch things up, you’re tongue tied. Generally, gentlemen who have strong chauvinism would not make the first move; it is as if a whole chunk of their so called dignity is carved out once they apologized.

I’M SORRY.

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT.

PLEASE DON’T BE MAD AT ME.

It’s so hard?

Learn our mistakes and move on.

Margarita

I have a lot in mind but…

Okay, to begin with, I bloody sprained my ankle again, same ankle. Damn, I guess my body mass is just too great, couldn’t even balance myself while going down the stairs, like a humpty dumpty. Crap, thank God I’m not on crutches this time.

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On Thursday night, I came to a wrong decision on informing my parents that I’m going out to a musical event. Well, at first I thought that my parents should be aware of my whereabouts and telling them was just being honest. Alright, it was a last minute arrangement and planning; I wasn’t asking for permission but notifying them instead. Unlike the previous outings, I would let them know in advance. Sometimes, telling a white lie is indeed a better option.

While I was enjoying myself and drown into the music, deep inside me, I knew that my parents were worrying.

There are no exceptional, all parents behave the same way. Their children are forever children in their mind.

I was at Laundrybar with another six friends, alright two new friends. Heck, it was for Furniture I went there. One of my favorite local bands thanks to Kohilan. There were three bands altogether, Lied, Citizen of Ice cream (a pretty catchy name), and Furniture. Knowing the fact that it was held in a bar agitated them more. Gosh, if everything goes well, I’ll be off to Germany next year, are they going to flap around all the time? Maybe, it’s merely me, because of the things that I’ve done couldn’t assure them.

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To me, liquor, beer, vodka, wine is a beverage. People drink to go with different occasions for instance, celebrations, weddings, and anniversaries. With or without them don’t cause any significant difference, if it’s available, why not? If I would to fork out money for that, I guess that isn’t my cup of tea.

With family, especially my grandpa, a pint of beer or a glass of wine or anything which contains alcohol at night according to him would put him into deep sleep. It acts as if to enhance blood circulation.

As for me, I still do not know how to appreciate all these beverages. It’s bitter. As for wine, i rather drink Ribena.

However, I would like to give cocktail a shot.

Gin and vodka are by far my favorite. Those which I think have a strong aroma, something akin to perfume.

Now my doubt is, it is necessary to consume alcohol when I’m away from my family?

Of course, it is safe?

I would pretty like to conclude it with what kind of outings and people I’m with.

Clubbing scene is totally out of the picture. Therefore, getting tipsy is definitely not a priority.

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A : Drink-lah. You scared ah? You left your two balls at home ah? (The oh-so-common phrase people used to provoke your guts)

B : Aiya, you never drink before, must try. (Why? once tried, would fly is it?)

C : I always drink one. I biasa d. (So? I biasa eat shit, you wanna eat too?)

In this case, there’s no point of taking A, B or C into account. If your choice is no, it’s NO. Is it so important to prove to this bunch of pathetic A, B or C whether or not you hide your balls? If they are your good friends, utterly tragedy, they are the ones who are supposed to respect your decisions and not butting in with these sorts of statements.

I’m conventional though I’m only 18. I like cozy environment with a pleasant ambience and setting, a warm and preferably smoke-free area without blaring loud and heart thumping techno where you have to shout your head off to have a normal conversation. Just sit back and enjoy a drink and chill out. That would be an awesome combination.

As I was tempted to drink to appear gaya-ness among the crowd, I managed to resist the persuasion. It was so not crucial. Whether or not I drink esprit instead of beer is completely my pick. We still can cheer and talk. In fact, I’m not prone to beery breath.

I can ONLY sense and put up with the sexiness of my grandpa’s, dad’s and uncles’ beery breath.

Oh yeah… I’m so into frequency canon’s guitarist or bassist. Uber gaya!

Wish I could play drums all over again.

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Shout Outs:

Dearest,

A younger-than-me-two-days-macho-who-owns-a-blog-named-Averdim

You surprised me!!! Seeing my name popped up on my screen in your blog, errrr… amazed!

69 for Brian

77 for me

79 for you

84 for Hau Wei

More days left for us before turning to 19, age is just a matter of figure; we are young at hearts and minds.

Lionard,

Thanks for your effort on you-know-what-i-mean!!!

Seohun,

CUTE? Alright, I know a bit retard!! I will try to polish it!!
I watched the first half, Liverpool won!!! One more reason to celebrate!!!!

Best Wishes to all of you!!!!

I’ll keep you people in my prayers!!!

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Key

It happened again.

The third time.

I bloody locked myself outside my room while I was taking shower. Brilliant. Clothes were inside my room, roommate was having class, just me and my towel this time. Soaking wet, I was in a daze. Heck, what am I suppose to do?

Walking around with my towel along the corridor was embarrassing enough, what more knocking on the door frantically calling for help. Thank God, I didn’t have to use the lift. Thank God, I have Fizzie and JiaHui, my savior though they were in hysterics when they saw me.

For the first encounter, I was lucky as my roommate returned home in 10-minute time and I was dressed. Next, again JiaHui was there to rescue me and at least I had something to put on. She helped to call Mr. Lee, our warden, to unlock my door. That was the first time I asked for his help. He was there pretty fast I could say.

Fine, after calling him this time, he said he needed 15 minutes to get there. We waited and waited. No sign. I guess he’s just fed up dealing with stupid tenants like me, imagine how many students staying under the same roof and he has go around unlocking their doors. Alright, tardiness accepted. Waited and still no sign.

More than 15 minutes later…

JiaHui : Do you think he knows you are without your clothes this time?

Me : I’m cold wei, when is he coming?

JiaHui : Patience Michelle….

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Me : Text him and tell him I’m without my clothes this time please…

Less than 1 minute later…

He showed up.

God, when I’m going to learn my lesson? Third time for heaven’s sake.

Perhaps, I need carry the key on a chain and wear it around my neck like what Jiahui had suggested.

Collapse

Two weeks break. Awesome.

First three days, task given = babysit.

Lovely, one 5 years old is capable to make you go eccentric and bizarre.

Scene : Taman Rakyat

Sean : Jie jie, why there’s no orang-utan here?

Sean : I have on more energy, I want to graze like cattle.

Sean : I’m tired. I can’t walk anymore. Is there any mango, coconut or banana tree here? I want to pluck and eat them.

He talked and sang like practically non-stop all the way from the bottom to the peak of the bukit. 101 questions rose, leaving me bewildered to answer his questions. He’s not foolish. You have to be sharp-witted to counter his query.

You would be so soaked and saturated with characters like Muck, Roley, Scoop, Dizzy, Spud and Bob and Wendy in Bob the Builder, perhaps you’ll be start singing “Bob the builder, can we fix it? Bob the builder, yes we can!”

He would follow you to sleep and wake you up early in the morning by singing real LOUD like…..

“Are you sleeping, are you sleeping? Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing, DING DONG BELL, DING DONG BELL!!!

Or

“Bangun pagi gosok gigi cuci muka pakai baju minum susu makan roti pergi sekolah senang hati.”

At the end, you were left with no choice but to entertain him.

Another sweetheart is Sharmane. She never throws tantrums or cries although her ko-ko bullies her.

Sadly, it lasted for only two days (in front of us), her true colors portrayed when her parents showed up. How cheeky right? Kids nowadays are unbelievable. They adapt so fast.

Next is “mumm-mumm” for food; you have to find ways to feed them. Gosh, from “Ahhhhhhh…. Open your mouth….” to “Good girl Mane or good boy Sean!”

My favorite thing to do with them is to ‘poom-poom’, take shower. Their cuteness is beyond words.

Finally, something you definitely cannot avoid or escape when it comes to children is ‘nen-nen’, milk.

The last day we had four children at home. Gosh, they clattered around like some wild birds without wings. Unstoppable.

Toys lay messily and chaotically on the floor, from LEGO and Barbie dolls to poker cards and mahjung.

In spite of all these, I still miss their presence after they left, how ironic.

Happy Boxing Day!!

Eight

Yes. I just woke up to smell the coffee.

It’s nearly 3 a.m. and I could not sleep. The OLD TOWN coffee must have been taking effect on me now.

I’ve been reflecting and navel-gazing a lot lately. Staring at those childhood photos made me look back and reminiscence. I can’t help but filled with a wave of nostalgia.

I wasn’t charming and adorable when I was an infant. In fact, I was born dark-reddish and hairy. My poor mother had to rock and cradled to lull me to sleep as I cried the most among my siblings. Needless to say, I was beaten and caned most. My parents have always declared that I’m the problematic child.

My boy-haired-cut put doubts to my gender. Moreover, my tomboyish character and appearance didn’t make matters any good either. Seriously, I never had a chance or allowed to keep long silky hair.

I love the number 8.

I was born on the 8th

I was 8-month old when I was diagnosed as having eczema

I was 8 years old when I was diagnosed with asthma

Mind you, I do not need tea or sympathy from you. It’s a reality; I’m pondering as I’m sitting back and delivering this post.

After all, I have Tuck Lam and Wai Kit to be my partner.

My panel doctor used to raise my spirits by telling me that eczema patients have a slightly higher intelligence compared to those who are hale and hearty. How deceiving right? Of course, he was just lying. Trying to soothe a young girl’s heart is part of their duty to illustrate care and concern to their patients. I really appreciate it.

Still, I got all the attention from my parents. I’m their blessing in disguise.

They love me more than anything in the world. Striving to protect and prevent me from getting hurt like a jewel in their eyes. They never give up on me. Not forgetting my supportive sibling as well. I’m their results of their creation.

Thank You.

iCelebration

MUM’s BIRTHDAY!!!!

Hohohohoho….

Dad was busy today dealing with our new house in Shah Alam. There is so much to set up before one could settle in. It’s sad to know that we are not living there. He’s let it officially. Maybe one fine day, we can move in. Hopefully. Ahh. (Slap myself..) I love my home now. Shah Alam. Piuk!!

Raj was such sweety today. He fetched me from KTM station to attend a German exhibition in college. Yeah. It was ‘so’ interesting. We managed to gather some valuable information about Germany as we kept bombarding a petite lady with loads of question.

I’ve been doubting my taste-bud recently especially when it comes to Western food. Scrumptious and appetizing food seems to taste conversely to me. It spoils my meal. Hate it. Somehow, I feel discontented and disgruntled as if the ‘ummmppphhhh’ has disappeared.

Cheng Cheng!!!

We bought mum an Ogawa Slimming Belt. They seriously know how to jack the price up to tempt you. Firstly, it’s RM 699. Later, after the promotion it’s RM 599, and then finally it’s RM 499. How deceiving right? RM 100 rebate because currently there is no stock. At the end, you will feel like it’s a whopping sin or misdemeanor if you don’t own it.

OSIM : Slimmer body, Angelic beauty

OGAWA : As Good as it Gets

OTO : Shake, shake, shake, shake off the Flab

(I don’t understand why, all the health devices’ leading brand starts with an “O”. It’s because everything that turns Ahhhhhhhhh into Oooooooooo is “O”. They could have better names such as AWAGO or TOT)

I admire and love my dad even more after today. I’ve made a promise to myself to get him whatever I can afford when I grow up, anything under the sun. Mind you and my mum as well.

He taught me the value of parents in my eyes, the responsibility of children towards their parents. Sometimes, you need not verbal assurance to grasp that. It’s a simple gesture to illustrate or interpret your intention.

Talk is cheap.

I’ve learned.

Timeout

One word to sum it all, marvelous! Everything was an absolute breeze.

It started with Azizul’s presentation. Double thumbs up! Über-theme! He’s so creative and managed to deliver his points competently. The topic was ‘How to learn German Effectively’. It drew people’s attention because he showed pictures of ‘us’, his source of inspiration. We were really having good time laughing at our own silly appearance projected. God knows when he captured all those.

Yeah. A good kick-start.

I realized that almost four months of Intensive German and English just passed by. Time flies especially when we are occupied and engaged. In the blink of an eye, 2006 is drawing to an end. These four months thought me heaps. My maturity seems to blossom a notch above. It’s a training ground of my independence.

Living away from family (though five days a week) is not a piece of cake. Things come inconvenient. Most of the time, I’m restricted and confined in my hostel. My meals are fixed, like some factory workers. 11 a.m., bell rings, signal for lunch. 7.30 p.m., message received, “Dinner?”. Bloody tedious. I seriously have no idea why I’m so obsessed with the ‘wan tan mee’ there. Imagine having it four out of five meals. Crap.

Sidetracked.

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Went to pyramid with Raj and Fizzie. Raj drove us there. He’s the hero of the day. Thank You! The main intention there was to get my mum’s birthday present. I was thinking of buying her a OSIM uZap. My spirit was high. (Ala, that green belt won’t cost that much, maximum 400 bucks lah). We walked and walked. Finally, OSIM came into sight, some big health gadgets fair was going on, OTO Health or something was there too. The struggle and battle of both companies is apparent and palpable. They spent like thousands to advertise and push their products. That’s why; I’m not sure whether I’m deceived with all the marketing delusion and deception. After all, which ladies wouldn’t fantasize an hour glass body as they publicized. Or is it plain chimera?

The promoters were attractive. Beautiful and lovely ladies in costume like sonia in the advertisement. High-heels and thick make-up. Sadly, the moment they opened thier mouth, their beauty and attractiveness petered out.

OSIM

Me : Excuse me, how much is this? (I was all ready to buy)

Osim : Ahh. It’s RM 698 (Heck, it astounded me! 700 for that thing?) But miss, we’re having promotion now. It’s our 10th Anniversary. If you buy now, you can have a RM 100 rebate.

Me : Oh, totally out of my budget. I have RM 400 only. By the way, how effective is this thing? (I so regret asking this question, there go my 5 minutes)

Osim : blaaaaaaaa blaaaaaaaa blaaaa laaa laaa blaaaaaaaaa laaa blaaaaaaaaaaa………

Me : Uh huh? Really? I’ll go the other side to require about other brand first. Hopefully, I’ll be right back. Thanks Ya!

OTO

Me : Excuse me, how much is this thing?

OTO : RM 750. (Slap my face, more expensive?)

Me : Hua, Uzap costs 600 ONLY. (brainless me)

OTO : (Start comparing Uzap and his almighty-prodigious-OTO-belt)

I spent more than 7 minutes listening to him blabbing and yapping away. He could really test my patience as I wasn’t given a chance to have a word. Now, I realized how much endeavor they go through in hiring and training their promoters. We consumers are paying through the nose to cover their expense.

Lesson learnt: Shut my mouth when it deals with promoters.

Later, we had our dinner at Hartz. They relocated and renovated their shop. A good effort I must say. No comment about the food. Fizzie and Raj had a high time burping away. These two monsters were challenging the permanence of their burps after each other. Fun Fun Fun.

At the end, I came back empty-handed.

To buy or not to buy?

It’s pricey. I think it’s not worthy after all. EXERCISE is a better alternative. Sorry mum, no pressie.

Til then.. Good night!

Habis.Fertig.Finish.Gone.

Malaysian Studies.
Finally, bid farewell to all the pain and nuisance of attending this irritating subject every black monday. I’ve learnt. Definately. It just hit me on how much I’ve forgotten my History. Everything for goodness sake. Heck, what’s the bloody purpose of us learning History then? To test our memorising skill and then vomitting out every single facts in our brain. Good education and teaching. It unquestionably bestows our brain cells some work out and at the same time stimulates our reflects so that we are able to think ingeniously and innovatively.

Anyhow, welcome new monday. This ultimately imply that I will have more time for this freshly fashioned blog of mine : Schwarzpunkt. I’m keen of the name. It means black point in German. Well, don’t ask me why. It does not symbolise anything in German too. Just pure and bare black point.

German. My lesson was ok. Today’s theme is Family, Friends, and Celebrations (Famile, Freunde und Feste). Ahmad did a good job presenting our first ever German presentation. He talked about “Young Gods”. This agonized me as I have not prepared. It will be on the 29th November. There are still ample of time for me to muse and mull over.

Family. Mom’s birthday coming soon. I’m trying to save money. RM 60 a week in Damansara is not really adequate. Basically I spent like 10 bucks a day. Most of the time, less than 3 bucks for lunch and more or less 4 bucks for dinner. Not forgetting my Kino-Tag, I must utilize my college days doing what I think is best for me. Watching a movie is the best timeout for me. I could feel the instantaneous effect right after i leave the cinema. Spanking new and pristine. The feeling is great. As if a chaotic and hectic day had elapsed.The Departed. Yes, coming this Wednesday. I will not miss it by hook or crook.

I Miss my Family. Love you all.