Stark

Posted on by under Heart, Body and Soul, Life, Love

This is hard. This is really hard.

i don’t know how long i could take this anymore.

This whole thing is insane, i’m going insane.

WHY? WHY?

i don’t need my friends’ respect for my composure in these series of calamities.

I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO BE NORMAL AGAIN!!

i’m running out of words to cheer him up, to ensure him that everything is going to be fine again, miracle cure does happen to those who believe in it.

i NEED THAT SPARK OR EVEN A TINY LITTLE BITSY SPRINKLE OF MAGIC, RIGHT NOW!!!

His pain is so enormous that he wants an end to it. i wept secretly and put up a cheerful tone as I heard those words. Deep inside i’m numb.

He wakes up middle of the night feeling paranoid because he feels that cancer cells are multiplying all over his body.

He twitches abnormally as he sleeps. This is a mental torture. He’s admitted to the hospital again.

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i have 7 freaking papers in 2 freaking weeks for my upcoming finals, beginning on this Saturday.

i have no idea what’s in store for me.

This whole incident is beyond my grasp.

Again, having the opportunity to study here is my greatest blessing, but it hasn’t been easy.

Imagine going to lecture with zero input because your professor speaks typical Bavarian German accent, or you feel so insecure with your German that you daren’t ask any questions in the midst of discussion or confusion, or as simple as writing your exams in German or handling your daily conversion with fluent delivery of your thoughts.

i feel so handicapped.

i have no idea how everyone does it with such an ease.

It’s so challenging and in the same time i almost forget that we’re living it.
They saying “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em” applies here.
i checked my performance record yesterday and it is definitely by God’s grace and his help that I got this far.

He was there to guide me, taught me like none of my professors could do. In fact my best score was his hard work. My admiration on his diligence gives me strength to strive for better.

Now that he is so weak and fragile shudders me.